" That you are me and I am you"
Always, by Stevie Wonder
I'll be perfectly honest. I did a bad thing. I got busted for smoking pot on my first day back in Colorado. But marijuana is legal in Colorado, you say. Bear with me. It's complicated.
I am a 66 year old, white, middle class woman, semi-retired from teaching. I am law abiding, well informed about my rights, believing in the American Dream. I went to graduate school at CU Boulder, began a doctoral program in Education but never finished the dissertation. Instead, I taught for 36 years in public schools as a Reading Specialist. Three years ago, I retired from teaching and moved to Florida. When that didn't work out, I decided to come back home.
After a solitary cross country drive, I arrived on a Thursday night in March during a snowstorm. On Friday, I visited some old friends. They noticed that I was stressed out, and they gave me a bud of marijuana to help me sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, tossing and turning, then remembered the marijuana. I went outside on the porch to smoke one hit, then returned to bed to try to sleep. It was dark. I tossed and turned some more with so much on my mind. Finally, the sky began to lighten. I needed some coffee and headed out to Starbucks.
As I sat in the left turning lane waiting for the light to change, I began to feel very light headed. That was the last thing I remember. When I came to, my car was in a ditch, the airbag had deployed, my glasses tossed across the dashboard. My car had crashed. I had no idea how this happened or even where I was. The police arrived and called an ambulance. It was 7:00 a.m.
The policemen were sensitive and patient, trying to piece together what happened. At first, I thought I had hit a patch of ice and slid off the road. "No, it wasn't snowing and the road was dry. Do you think maybe something happened to your brain?"
"I think I fainted."
The paramedics began taking my blood pressure, checking my pulse. Did I have a heart attack, did I have a stroke? Did I have a history of seizures? When was the last time you ate? Have you ever fainted before? Are you experiencing a lot of stress?
Of course, there were questions about whether I had been drinking.
"No, I rarely drink alcohol. Last time, maybe a glass of wine a month ago with dinner." I mentioned that I had smoked pot to help me fall asleep.
The policeman said that because I reported that I had smoked marijuana, they had to take a blood sample. I consented. The paramedics strongly recommended that they take me to the emergency room for further tests because my blood pressure was a little high.
I spent the day surrounded by doctors and nurses, getting x-rayed, monitored, poked with needles. My urine tested Positive but the doctors did not attribute the fainting to the marijuana. They wanted to keep me overnight to observe me but I needed to call my son and be with my family. So the emergency room doctor compromised. If I agreed to spend the next month on a Holter monitor, avoid driving, consult with doctors and cardiologists, then they would release me.
Since I had fainted a couple of times before in my life, at the sight of blood or after a long drive, or after a busy day when I forgot to eat, I understood that it was now paramount to get to the cause of my fainting spells and get medical care for the problem. I knew that women my age can have undetected heart attacks. I could have a brain tumor. This could be serious.
I was exhausted from the drive; I was under duress. I had little sleep. High altitude, dehydration. Finally, after a month of treadmills and heart monitors, my cardiologist's diagnosis concluded that any or all these stressful events on the morning of the accident could cause "syncope", or a fainting spell.
In June, I appeared in court and I was charged with DUI and reckless driving. I faced a fine of $2000 or two years in prison. I plead Not Guilty because I believed that I had a medical problem that caused me to faint at the wheel and I did not believe that I was impaired when I was driving that morning.
My son advised me to get a lawyer who would defend the many extenuating circumstances that the judge needed to consider. So I contacted a law firm that specializes in DUI. I spent an hour consulting with a lawyer who spelled out all the possibilities. His fee was $4000: $2000 up front and $2000 in monthly payments. His final conclusion was that if my blood test proved that my THC level was over .5 nanograms, I was impaired. Indisputable scientific proof that I was over the legal limit. The judge could impose fines, court fees, probation, jail time, community service, drug counseling.
I researched Norml.org and other marijuana related websites regarding blood tests for marijuana. When you smoke marijuana, your blood level immediately shoots up to 140-180 nanograms of THC but within an hour, it dives back down to single digits. In Colorado, .5 nanograms is the legal limit but this number is arbitrary, the marijuana laws are emerging, and there is no science to say that over .5 ng makes you too impaired to drive. Chronic users, say medical marijuana patients, are not impaired at .5ngs. In other countries, like Australia or the Netherlands, the legal limit is higher.
Because of this, and the fact that the judge would determine if I was impaired by the blood test, I decided to skip the lawyer. It came down to simple science.
http://www.canorml.org/healthfacts/drugtestguide/drugtestdetection.html#fn03
Consider, dear reader, this is my first offense. I am a clean, honest public servant. I am a AngloSaxon Senior Citizen. I've had drug screenings, background checks, good references all my life.
At my hearing before the judge, the public defender offered me a plea bargain. My THC level was .7 ng so I would be charged with a DUI, but since it is my first offense, the court would offer to reduce it to a misdemeanor, DWAI, probation for 1 year, pay court fees, 24 hours of community service, and a meeting with Mothers Against Drunk Driving. I agreed. I just wanted to be done with this whole thing. I was already so ashamed to be in court, sitting for hours with people in shackles and prison uniforms. I had mugshot and fingerprints. My car was totaled. Court fees were $679.50.
A week later, I attended an Orientation meeting for probation. The fee to be paid for the case manager is $50 each meeting, $600 for 12 months service. If I miss a meeting or if I arrive more than 5 minutes late, a warrant would be issued for my arrest. I am required to call a hotline for a random urine analysis everyday before noon. I cannot consume alcohol, marijuana or prescription drugs for a year. I cannot purchase or own a gun. I cannot leave the State of Colorado.
As I sat with 25 other offenders, I looked around at the workers who were on their cell phones trying to conduct business while they waited, mothers with children on their laps, young and old, but mostly lower middle class.
Two days after Orientation, I had my first appointment to meet my new case manager, Tiffany, at 11:00. After a 25 mile drive taking 40 minutes, arrived 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork and waited in the lobby. Including myself, three people sat in the waiting room. A secretary sat at the front desk. By 11:30, I became concerned that no one had called me. I asked the secretary at the front desk if I had made a mistake. Did I get the wrong date? She rolled her eyes and called Tiffany's office to tell her that I had been waiting for 45 minutes. After 10 minutes more, Tiffany rushed into the lobby, apologetic to both myself and the young man sitting across from me. Someone had made a mistake and had double booked us for the same time. She asked me if I could come back later. I explained that I had to get back to work at 1:00. She then asked the young boy in Spanish if he could come back and so he left.
For the next five minutes, she apologized profusely for the error. She hadn't seen my files and had no details about my case. By then, it was 11:45 and I was panicking about being late for work. I told Tiffany that I had to leave by 12:15. "No problem," she said, "We'll only do half the meeting today. Can you come back on Thursday to do the second half? You won't get into trouble or anything."
I know I am not in any position to complain to this young woman with a diploma for an Associates Degree in Criminal Justice hanging on the wall behind her.
"I paid $50 for this meeting. Will I have to pay another $50 for the second meeting?"
"Yes, $50 for every meeting." She could see it in my eyes. "Probation is expensive," she said.
She began to fill out her questionnaire:
Did I graduate from high school? Yes, I have two Masters degrees in Education.
Do I get along with my family? Yes, my brother is a Social Worker, my sister, a chiropractor.
Do I have any friends? Yes. Are any of them criminals? No, they are teachers.
How do I feel about being on Probation? (This is when I started to cry. She handed me a box of Kleenex.) How do I feel emotionally right now? (I was too choked up to answer.)
When did I first start smoking pot? In college.
How much alcohol do I consume in a day? None.
Do I take prescription drugs? No.
Then she explained that in October, I will appear before an evaluation committee. And I have to attend Level II Education.
"What is Level II Education? Where do I attend?"
"I don't know because I've never attended it?" she answered curtly. "Google it."
She handed me a post it note that says "Level II Ed". She seems rushed. I looked at the clock. It is 12:00 noon on the dot. Time for her lunch hour.
"So I'll see you next Thursday." Thus ended my first "Face to Face" with Tiffany.
I cried all the way to work and ducked into the bathroom to freshen up. When I got home, I Googled "Level II Education", and sure enough, there it was.
Level II Education is a 12 week education and treatment program, two hours every week, that costs $370 plus the $60 workbook. It is imposed by the court when there is a "significant alcohol problem". It also includes a therapy component if mandated of a minimum of 42 hours, 21 weeks, costing $630. I looked through all my documents to see why, as a first time offender, I am required to attend Level II Education. The judge's orders say, "F&C, 24 hrs CS. 1 yr Prob with conditions; complete Alcohol eval. and recommend treatment, maintain monitored sobriety, complete MADD panel."
I realize that I'm not in any position to argue. After all, Tiffany is the one who will decide if I've complied to all the requirements of Probation. But...I have questions. I will have to work 128 hours to pay off this Level II Education. There must be some mistake.
So I called Tiffany. "It doesn't say anything on my Court Order about taking Level II Education. Am I mistaken? Is that what F&C means?"
"I didn't say you have to take it but we recommend you take it?"
"But it costs a lot of money. Two hours every week for 12 weeks to treat alcoholism. I don't even drink."
" You're retired. You have the time."
And thus, I am humbled before the court, leveled to the status of a common criminal. No one wants people to drive drunk or impaired on drugs. I, too, am a mother against drunk driving. But I don't drink. I smoked one hit to help me sleep. So I must be punished into sobriety. I must pay hundreds of dollars to get out of this whirlwind. I must be shamed.
I called my brother who is a therapist for heroin addicted women in prison. I wanted to know the rate of recidivism once a person goes through this kind of "intervention". Does the punishment cure the crime?
"I've seen people spend a year in prison for DUI," my brother answered. "As soon as they get out, they go directly to a bar. Of course this treatment doesn't work. Its intention is to gather revenue for the State. Doesn't Colorado make millions on legalization of marijuana? You'd think they could afford a decent rehabilitation treatment for substance abuse."
"And with all your experience as a therapist, what does work?"
"I don't know myself. I've worked for twenty years in the jails with veterans, pregnant women, all kinds of people. Only 16% of people in AA become sober. There are herbal brews from Peru and Africa that are purported to cure alcoholism and heroin addiction, but they are banned in the USA, and it will take years for them to be approved by the FDA. The pharmaceutical companies will prohibit them."
"So what do you do to treat your clients?"
"I listen to them. I empathize. I create a support group so they know they aren't alone. A lot people have addiction problems. We don't have enough science or understanding how the brain works. Sometimes you form a relationship that helps them turn the corner. That's all I can hope for. Addiction is a coping mechanism for a biochemical imbalance or psychological problems. You have to help them cope in different ways."
So yes. Empathy. Love. Support.
There is always a lesson to be learned. It is deeper than "Don't get caught in the system." After 30 years of teaching, I would never shame or punish a child. I'm an educator. We no longer flog and pillory our children. It only harms the child. Then again, I am not a child. But I am reader and a writer. That's where I'll begin to help.
I need to look at this experience differently. It's not about me. What about the tattooed man sitting next to me wearing a landscaping crew t-shirt? What about the young girl with a toddler across from the table? What about the sweet boy who stood up in the waiting room to offer me his seat? Is there a kinder punishment that doesn't strip people of their dignity and money?
As Atticus Finch says in To Kill a Mockingbird, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Colorado is a model for the whole country on legalization of marijuana. In so many ways, it leads the country in healthier, humane communities. Why are we still using an antiquated treatment that drives families deeper into poverty? Can't we search for viable solutions like many other countries, Canada and Portugal, for example? Can we put all of our intelligence toward helping the alcoholic achieve sobriety? There is research, TED Talks, books, people in the field who know what works and what doesn't. I believe if we call these minds together, we would see the alternatives.
Ask yourself. Before you make a quick judgment about alcoholics and drug addicts, maybe their lives are complicated, too, like mine. How can I show that a white senior citizen woman can empathize with how difficult life is? What can we all do to help our citizens obtain the fairness, dignity and health they deserve. Can't Colorado do better?
Next time I meet with Tiffany, I will be kinder and bring her flowers.
